Vulnerability

I’ve sat with this post for a couple of days—not to overthink it, but to process the sting of feeling unsupported by people I thought were close friends and family. Instead of letting that pain spiral (which, let’s be honest, tends to ripple onto anyone lucky enough to be near me—you're welcome, work colleagues 😬), I asked myself: How can I shift this? How can I take responsibility for how I feel?

After sharing a series of posts that felt important to the heart of my small business — and once again noticing silence from people I thought would support me through anything—I could feel myself slipping back into that spiral. So I did what I do: I pulled a card. And there it was. Vulnerability.

It reminded me of my first Reiki session with Tawny-Lee. She told me I had a brick wall around my heart. That I connect with others, but I don’t let them connect with me. And wow—that hit hard.

I do go deep with people. "Tell me about work? What's stressing you out? What's working? How are the kids?", I make them soup when they’re sick, show up with a cake on their birthday. But when they ask how I’m doing? “Good.” End of sentence.

The truth is, I’ve been the most vulnerable I’ve ever been lately. And somehow, that openness seems to be pushing people away. I share the biggest, wildest thing that’s happening in my life—and people I love… disappear. And it hurts.

To be fair, I do have my people. My mom (of course). My ride-or-die and her amazing family. A couple family members who’ve really shown up, and even some wildly supportive acquaintances who’ve surprised me in the best way.

I’ll admit—I haven’t always been the best friend either. Especially the last couple years. I crave solitude like oxygen. After being “on” all day, the last thing I wanted was more conversation. I vanish. I withdraw. And I know that has left some gaps too.

Still, I feel like who I am is changing. And maybe that’s uncomfortable for people. I’m no longer the soft-spoken, sweet, agreeable version of myself. Well—let’s be real—work Robyn has never exactly been called agreeable or soft-spoken. 😅 But friend-and-family Robyn? She’s been the calm one, the helpful one, the do-er, the give-you-anything kind of person. And now that I’m showing more of my inner world—the spiritual, intuitive, bold side—some people just… fade out.

Some may prefer the old Robyn—the one with the corporate job and the staff discount. But you know what? I prefer this version of me. And if that’s too much for some? That’s okay.

The real question I’m sitting with now is: How can I give what I wish I could receive?  The answer is, I keep going.  I find my people.  I find the ones who feel like they are all alone and in need of validation.  Validation that who they are is not too much.  That they are on the right path.  That is what I can do.